Could the environmentalists please stay out of my bedroom?
has a link to a Greenpeace article
that will tell us how to have environmentally safe sex.
Are you wondering what more you can do to help the planet? You take your bike to work, eat organic, but want to do more.
Well, actually I drive a pickup truck and eat fast food, but I'll go along with you for discussion's sake.
At long last we have looked into one of humanity’s favourite pastimes and uncovered the passion that can make a difference for our environment. You can be a bomb in bed without nuking the planet.
Frankly, I never knew that having sex was a danger to the environment. Of course, everything else I do is claimed to be a cause for either cancer or pollution, I'm surprised they are just getting around to finishing up their list.
1. Turn off the lights. We all have to do our part to stop climate change, energy reduction and energy efficiency are a important part of changing our energy culture. If you want to see your partner, or what you are doing, have sex during the day.
Well, from their point of view, I can understand this. I mean, honestly... Have you seen the typical Hippies
who would listen to Greenpeace? I'd probably want to turn off the lights too if I were in their place. Hmm. I wonder how much electricity the Greenpeace webservers use anyway...
2. Passion for fruit? If you like to use produce to get the blood boiling, make sure it is GE-free. There have not been enough studies on genetically engineered foods to know what the effects on our diets will be, let alone the affects of using it for more intimate activities.
And more importantly, make sure that you pressure third world governments to turn down donations of Genetically Modified corn
Even if it means starving several thousand people.
3.Oysters and other shellfish can be potent aphrodisiacs, but our oceans are being destroyed at an unprecedented rate - we need to stop plundering for pleasure. Instead you can support sustainable community-based operations in the Amazon rainforest choosing from two popular and plentiful herbal and fruit drinks, guaraná and caju, for more than just a clean conscious.
I personally prefer ground Tiger Bone
and Rhino Horn
4. Is your yard a safe place to do the deed? Forget about the nosy neighbours, are you using pesticides and chemical fertilisers on your lawn and garden? Would you really want to set your bare bottom on weed killer? Make the switch to natural fertilisers and pest management, and take a roll in the hay.
Yeah, having to spray fertilizer and weedkiller all the time was such a drag, I just paved the whole thing. But let me warn you, asphalt burn is much worse than rugburn.
5. Forget the fossil fuel based lubricants like petroleum jelly! Esso's screwing the planet, but you don't have to.
Am I the only one that skips straight over petroleum jelly and uses good old WD-40? I say if it's good enough for the garage, Its good enough for the bedroom. (The same rule applies to Duct Tape.)
6. Have you got something more than a good time up your sleeve. Could it be polyvinyl chloride? Ditch the PVC and vinyl accessories for your playtime. The production of PVC creates and releases one of the most toxic chemicals - dioxin. You also don’t want to be sucking on that stuff. The use of PVC in young children’s toys has already been banned in many countries. Instead, opt for accessories made from natural substances like rubber or leather.
Well, Ipsedixit (Who I originally got the link from) pointed out the fact that Eco-Gurus Ben and Jerry sell icecream chock-full of Dioxin all day long
, and it doesn't seem to hurt their customers much at all. And aren't Rubber Tree plantations and Use of Animal products(leather) bad for the environment? PETA would be pissed at you for suggesting the use of leather.
7. Helping the planet can be an arousing activity. Soap up together in the shower or bath to save water and create passion for more than the environment. More than one billion people do not have access to clean water, it is a luxury, and should definitely be shared with a friend.
In a shower with soemone else, I'd be willing to bet that people will be likely to stay in there longer, using more water than two separate showers.
8. Ok, I’m not sure what you would use them for, never done so myself, ahem, but if you wanted some paddles for something other than rowing, please, for god’s sake, make sure they are made from sustainably harvested timber. Look for timber, paddles, whatever, certified by the only internationally recognised ecological forest certification organisation, the Forest Stewardship Council, or FSC.
Actually, I use a paddle made of old-growth lumber from the Pacific Northwest. Just think, a Spotted Owl gave up its home just for my paddle.
9. Role playing games can be fun as long as both partners are consenting and comfortable with the boundaries. So if you and your partner want to dress up and play "George Bush and Corporate America at the Earth Summit" or other S&M style games, agree on what's permissible and what's not up front. And remember that games - like fantasies - are not real life.
Why would we want to play a game like that? The Bush administration basically said a Giant F*** You to the envirodoodles at the earth summit, and Neither my wife or I like to start argments like that between each other.
10. Make love, not war.
Well, War would be one way to solve that pesky Overpopulation Crisis
you environmentalists are always whining about. I'm pretty sure that having a lot of sex is probably likely to add a few more people. But then, nobody ever accused the environmentalists of being logical OR consistent.